Futuristic Pharmacopoeia

Recently the W.H.O. has been in quite a dilemma. Clinical pharmacokinetic data has been generated for most drugs and it was found that their therapeutic utility fails to be at par with present day diseases and conditions seen.
So the W.H.O. is seriously contemplating the introduction of the following modified versions of present day drugs to cope with this challenge. So here is a sneak peek into our ‘futuristic pharmacopoeia’ :

Cinnerazine --> Dinnerazine
Potent anti-emetic to be taken before dinner when you’re mom’s just informed you that today’s menu consists of leftovers, which, if not finished tonight, will be served the next day at lunch as well.

Cisapride --> Sis-ugh-pride
Seasonal drug which is bound to become a favourite around exam / result time and renders you immune to different taunts by your family members like “Why can’t you be more like your sister? She’s always studying and doing so well! She’s the pride of our family! And look at you!”

Dapsone --> Dads-zone
A drug to be taken as a prophylactic when your dad suddenly comes up to you and says “Son, you know, we haven’t really been spending enough quality time together…” because when fathers say this, you know they either need help washing cars or patching up with your mom.

Adrenaline --> Ad-renal-in
A drug specially designed to ensure that your kidneys don’t overwork and your bladder gives a ‘full’ sensation only during the advertisements in between the movie you’re watching on TV, so that you don’t miss any part of it including the time when the pitiable, blind, starving mother of five tells her wretched, drinking, abusive husband for the hundredth time “Nahiiin, mujhe chhodke mat jaao…”

Lisinopril-Telmisartan --> Listen-o-please , Tell-me-starting
A perfect combination drug which aids in keeping a conversation going smoothly between two individuals (expected to be a hit among couples married for over ten years)
Disclaimer: Might be slipped into an unsuspecting examiners/interviewers glass by a desperate student/prospective employee to ensure a smooth viva or interview.

Ethosuximide --> He-toh-sucks-big-time
A drug which helps increase patience towards people who brag, boast, bug, babble, back bite, bully, bark and act like babies. The irresistible urge to punch them in the nose or to gouge out their eyes is significantly reduced, if not eliminated.

Quinidine --> Quit-i-dine
A drug which aids people who have been making new year resolutions of losing weight since the past (at least) five years. Helps to quit the habit of eating in between meals and leads to excessive salivation at the sight of broccoli, bitter gourd and cauliflower while leading to a feeling of regurgitation at the sight of chocolate, pastries and burgers.

Minocycline --> Me-no-psyche
For people who wish to convince others of their much doubted sanity (No guarantee of working on politicians)

Gentamicin --> Gentle-my-son
Available as ear drops, which when used renders a person deaf to the neighbours constant bragging of how her son is “Lakhon mein ek ji...”

Carvedilol --> Carve-teeth-all
A drug specially made for dental students and technicians, who are prone to end up carving an elephants tooth instead of a humans.

Enprostil --> End-prosth-ill
A drug which helps you to keep going during a prosthodontic posting, by keeping frustration at bay and by making you feel like the end of the posting is very near, even if it’s only your third day.
(Warning – Overdose may lead to mental clouding to such an extent that the person may never return to the prosthodontic lab)

Though still undertrial, let us hope that these much needed drugs hit the market soon and help in making our world a better place to live in. Amen.

P.S. - Who says whats in a name? I knew a gynaec called Pushkar.