NICOLAS SARKOZY: “ZEES L'OREAL CLAIMS ARE N'OREAL CLAIMS!”

President Nicolas Sarkozy of France is in a poop soup again. This time, people are claiming that he took millions of illegal Euros when he was a mayor. Why these rumors are surfacing now is anybody's guess. Our Pundit Patrakar managed to corner him for an interview. It's not exactly like famous pople are very well known for saying intlligent things or that even their writers do a good job all the time, yet, here is the transcript of the little chat between Monsieur Sarkozy and our Pundit Patrakar:

Pundit Patrakar: Thank-you for agreeing to this interview. People have been saying regarding the L'Oreal case that...
Nicolas Sarkozy: I deed not receive a seengle euro illegally!
PP: Well of course you didn't receive a single Euro illegally. People are saying that you received millions of Euros illegally!
NS: Zees eez a case of Adam Sandler!
PP: Sir, you mean a damn slander?
NS: Yes, yes, of course, of course. People are saying zat we used L'Oreal sublock products when we were on zat Tom Cruise we were photographed with!
PP: You mean, when you were on that dumb cruise? But there was a huge L'Oreal hamper visible in those photographs. It is claimed that you have received these hampers exclusive of money from L'Oreal heiress, Liliane Bettencourt.
NS: No, no zat eez all lies! I deed not receive any Hugh Grant from zat L'Oreal heighress.
PP: You mean, you did not receive any huge grant from the L'Oreal heighress? But sir, a recent opinion poll found that nearly two-thirds of the French public, that is, the entire public except for the football team (who believe they constitute at least one-third of public opinion and money), believe the French political leaders are corrupt. There have been claims that you may even be put behind bars.
NS:Why wood I want to go behind bars? I wood rather go in front of zem.
PP: No, no, behind bars, as in, get arrested.
NS: Zees eez preposterous! I am a truth telling Christian Bale! will be available to me anyway in zee case of an arrest.
PP: You mean, just because you are a Christian, bail will be granted to you easily and the public faith will be reinstated? It doesn't look like it is going to be so easy.
NS: No, no, I am sure zat once ze public is conveensed zat I am innocent, zey will ferrell.
PP: You mean, the public will follow?
NS: Yes, yes, of course, of course. Enough of zees allegations! I am just going to leave all zees behind - or like you say, Dustin Hoffman!
PP (by now, irritated): You mean, dust it off man?
NS: Yes, yes, of course, of course. Why zoo you keep repeeting everytheeng I say? Can you not Jeremy Iron?
PP: Yes, yes, I can hear you fine sir. One last question, there are photographs of your wife, Mrs. Bruni Sarkozy giving a huge gift hamper of L'Oreal products to British first lady when they recently met. Mrs. Bruni Sarkozy was also later photographed with poor urchin children in London, distributing not food packets, but L'Oreal shampoo and body wash bottles. What do you have to say about that?
NS: Err, I do not understand what yoo are zaying. My Engleesh eez not that good. You must go now, as eet eez time for my L'Or... I mean, my regular massage. Sank-you.

This was all that Pundit Patrakar managed to extract from Mr. Sarkozy. Pundit Patrakars real motive, of getting a glimpse of Mrs. Bruni Sarkozy was left unfulfilled, as she was unavailable for comment. Just before he left, he was told that Mrs. Bruni Sarkozy was busy planning her next trip abroad.