I have made a conscious effort to refrain from talking on the topic of love jihad. This is simply because I didn’t think it warranted any more attention than our silly Indian journalists and overenthusiastic media have been giving it these past few weeks. However, after the recent Kareena Kapoor poster and the call to boycott the 3 Khan’s films, I feel compelled to speak up. While I am not averse to the idea of boycotting these films (the world is a better place without a Happy New Year, Dhoom 3 and Kick), the reason behind this call is ridiculous.
Going by the definition of Love jihad, it was probably started 17 years ago by star of the futuristic movie ‘Kabhi Muslim, Kabhi Brahm’, Shah Rukh Khan, who married Gauri Khan, a Hindu. Yes, even SRK, the poster boy of liberal Islam, who some self-proclaimed Muslim clerics have even denounced as being a Muslim because he keeps a Quran and a Gita side by side in his house, hasn’t been spared. And now, this so called love jihad has been perpetrated by Saif Ali Khan, who married Kareena Kapoor Khan.
First of all, I don’t understand how SRK could ever have even construed the idea of love jihad. Here is how his proposal probably went:
“Gauri, will you marry me?”
“How can I marry you? I am a Hindu and you are a Muslim!”
“Ya, but I’m like, really talented and stuff and am determined to become the King Khan of Bollywood. I plan to set up my career making good films like DDLJ and Chak De and then, will develop six pack abs and do crappy films later like Chennai Express and HNY, but in the end, as Brad Pitt said in Friends, my job will suck but I’ll be rich and thin!”
“Well….”
“I’ll make you the co-producer of my biggest hits and let you head my production company”
“Okay, let’s get married!”
Let me speak from experience. I’m in my late 20’s and have been happily married for a while now by the grace of God and the grace of a matrimonial website I am too ashamed to name. However, when my mother started her hunt for a ‘suitable boy’, she was a computer cretin. It took all of three years, an amount of computer expertise gained on the way that would shame an NIIT instructor, and a slew of unsuitable suitors before I finally landed my Mr. Right. In short, let’s just say that if I were to write my own version of ‘A suitable boy’, it would probably be longer than Vikram Seth’s version.
So, what took so long for it all to work out in the end? Was I too fussy with my demands? I married my husband knowing full well that he doesn’t like Game of Thrones, so clearly, I wasn’t fussy at all. The truth is that all those newspaper articles that give you a fleeting moment of joy on reading about the skewed sex ratio in India notwithstanding, the only market that is worse off than the stock market in India is the marriage market. Look around and in every community it’s the same story - qualified girls are having a hard time finding their Mr. Right. The story isn’t any different in the Muslim community. So pray tell me, when you’re surrounded by Muslim girls willing to marry you, why would anyone in their right mind go through the trouble of wooing a non-Muslim girl, just to force her to convert to Islam and marry him?
For all those persistent skeptics, here is what a typical conversation between a 20-something year old ‘love jihadi’ and his father sounds like:
Boy: Abbu, I wanted to ask you something…
Father: For the last time beta, I stand by the story I told you nine years ago. Babies are born when a stork comes and delivers them through the–
Boy: No, actually I wanted to ask for the car keys.
Father: Why?
Boy: Well, I wanted to go out with my girl friend–
(Two minutes of earth shattering silence and Amrish Puri-ish glaring by the father)
Boy: Also umm.. abbu, she isn’t a Muslim, she is actually a–
(Boy doesn’t complete the sentence because his father has shot him.)
Furthermore, there are hundreds of instances of the reverse happening. Ajit Agarkar married Fatima. Hrithik Roshan married Suzanne Khan. Sachin Pilot married Sara Abdullah. Shirish Kunder married Farah Khan. In fact, Soha Ali Khan married Kunal Khemu, so technically, Saif should be off the hook. So when no one called these instances ‘love wapasi’, then why should the opposite be called ‘love jihad’?
As for instances where such inter-caste marriages involve dowry, assault, marital rape, physical and/or sexual abuse of any kind, etc., well if that Muslim guy had even married a Muslim girl, it would still happen, not because he is a Muslim but because he is a bad human being.
Ironically, when I’d just started college nearly a decade ago, a very cynical, conspiracy theory obsessed aunt of mine once told me that there are young Hindu boys who are 'paid' to make Muslim girls fall in love with them, so as to convert them to Hinduism, and this is all a 'scheme' run by right wing Hindu organisations to ‘increase their population’. I was too busy studying during that time, so I eventually wouldn’t recollect the name of a single boy in my class, but then too I laughed at the sheer inanity of the idea, the way I laugh at the fact that this same theory is applied to Muslim boys today in the form of 'love jihad'. You know why? Because if there is one thing our country doesn't need, it is more population, irrespective of religion.
On a closing note, let me tell you, marriage is hard. It requires a lot of mutual understanding and compromise to make it work. Sure, there are days when your happily-ever-married pictures are the envy of your Facebook friends but then, there are also days when you just want to stab someone in the eye and make a run for it. And those are the days when there are no uninvited guests crashing at your place at dinner time. So if a couple get married, and in addition to the problem of adjusting routines, careers, homes, cities, culture, families, social circles, life in general, etc. also wish to adjust to the inconvenience of differing caste and religion, then my friends, it isn’t love jihad. It’s something far more dangerous...
It’s simply love.
Going by the definition of Love jihad, it was probably started 17 years ago by star of the futuristic movie ‘Kabhi Muslim, Kabhi Brahm’, Shah Rukh Khan, who married Gauri Khan, a Hindu. Yes, even SRK, the poster boy of liberal Islam, who some self-proclaimed Muslim clerics have even denounced as being a Muslim because he keeps a Quran and a Gita side by side in his house, hasn’t been spared. And now, this so called love jihad has been perpetrated by Saif Ali Khan, who married Kareena Kapoor Khan.
First of all, I don’t understand how SRK could ever have even construed the idea of love jihad. Here is how his proposal probably went:
“Gauri, will you marry me?”
“How can I marry you? I am a Hindu and you are a Muslim!”
“Ya, but I’m like, really talented and stuff and am determined to become the King Khan of Bollywood. I plan to set up my career making good films like DDLJ and Chak De and then, will develop six pack abs and do crappy films later like Chennai Express and HNY, but in the end, as Brad Pitt said in Friends, my job will suck but I’ll be rich and thin!”
“Well….”
“I’ll make you the co-producer of my biggest hits and let you head my production company”
“Okay, let’s get married!”
Let me speak from experience. I’m in my late 20’s and have been happily married for a while now by the grace of God and the grace of a matrimonial website I am too ashamed to name. However, when my mother started her hunt for a ‘suitable boy’, she was a computer cretin. It took all of three years, an amount of computer expertise gained on the way that would shame an NIIT instructor, and a slew of unsuitable suitors before I finally landed my Mr. Right. In short, let’s just say that if I were to write my own version of ‘A suitable boy’, it would probably be longer than Vikram Seth’s version.
So, what took so long for it all to work out in the end? Was I too fussy with my demands? I married my husband knowing full well that he doesn’t like Game of Thrones, so clearly, I wasn’t fussy at all. The truth is that all those newspaper articles that give you a fleeting moment of joy on reading about the skewed sex ratio in India notwithstanding, the only market that is worse off than the stock market in India is the marriage market. Look around and in every community it’s the same story - qualified girls are having a hard time finding their Mr. Right. The story isn’t any different in the Muslim community. So pray tell me, when you’re surrounded by Muslim girls willing to marry you, why would anyone in their right mind go through the trouble of wooing a non-Muslim girl, just to force her to convert to Islam and marry him?
For all those persistent skeptics, here is what a typical conversation between a 20-something year old ‘love jihadi’ and his father sounds like:
Boy: Abbu, I wanted to ask you something…
Father: For the last time beta, I stand by the story I told you nine years ago. Babies are born when a stork comes and delivers them through the–
Boy: No, actually I wanted to ask for the car keys.
Father: Why?
Boy: Well, I wanted to go out with my girl friend–
(Two minutes of earth shattering silence and Amrish Puri-ish glaring by the father)
Boy: Also umm.. abbu, she isn’t a Muslim, she is actually a–
(Boy doesn’t complete the sentence because his father has shot him.)
Furthermore, there are hundreds of instances of the reverse happening. Ajit Agarkar married Fatima. Hrithik Roshan married Suzanne Khan. Sachin Pilot married Sara Abdullah. Shirish Kunder married Farah Khan. In fact, Soha Ali Khan married Kunal Khemu, so technically, Saif should be off the hook. So when no one called these instances ‘love wapasi’, then why should the opposite be called ‘love jihad’?
As for instances where such inter-caste marriages involve dowry, assault, marital rape, physical and/or sexual abuse of any kind, etc., well if that Muslim guy had even married a Muslim girl, it would still happen, not because he is a Muslim but because he is a bad human being.
Ironically, when I’d just started college nearly a decade ago, a very cynical, conspiracy theory obsessed aunt of mine once told me that there are young Hindu boys who are 'paid' to make Muslim girls fall in love with them, so as to convert them to Hinduism, and this is all a 'scheme' run by right wing Hindu organisations to ‘increase their population’. I was too busy studying during that time, so I eventually wouldn’t recollect the name of a single boy in my class, but then too I laughed at the sheer inanity of the idea, the way I laugh at the fact that this same theory is applied to Muslim boys today in the form of 'love jihad'. You know why? Because if there is one thing our country doesn't need, it is more population, irrespective of religion.
On a closing note, let me tell you, marriage is hard. It requires a lot of mutual understanding and compromise to make it work. Sure, there are days when your happily-ever-married pictures are the envy of your Facebook friends but then, there are also days when you just want to stab someone in the eye and make a run for it. And those are the days when there are no uninvited guests crashing at your place at dinner time. So if a couple get married, and in addition to the problem of adjusting routines, careers, homes, cities, culture, families, social circles, life in general, etc. also wish to adjust to the inconvenience of differing caste and religion, then my friends, it isn’t love jihad. It’s something far more dangerous...
It’s simply love.
